What's Your Prediction Now?

I've had a few people make references to my earlier post in the last few days, asking me who is going to the President of the United States in 2016. Now first off I have to point out that my system of “gut feelings” obviously doesn't work as Mitt Romney isn't the President (see also my previous post about facts and whatnot). Having said that I am more than happy to give you some incredibly vague references to people you should be paying more attention to over the next 4 years if you want to impress your friends by possibly guessing who might be president next. I’ll probably hold off making any firm prophesies until the Mid-term elections in 2014 but in the meantime here are three democrats and three republicans to look out for.

Democrats

Hilary Clinton

Why does no one mention that
she has a man's name?

Okay this one is sort of obvious and if you were going to pick the person most likely to be the next president after Obama it’s got to be Hilary: the woman with the name of a man. She has a lot of things going for her; everyone knows who she is, most people trust her to do a good job, she is a woman, and you get a two for one bonus of having Bill Clinton back in the white house. She will also be guaranteed to have Bill running around for her on the campaign trail and considering all the backing the Clintons have given Obama he pretty much has to get behind them. I mean obviously she’s not perfect, she did lose to Barack Obama after all, conservatives hate her, and by 2016 she will be 69 which is pretty old for a president. In fact it will be exactly as old as Regan was. Moreover after her 4 years hiatus from government she might decide to stay of politics. More likely she will realise after 4 years of being out of government that life is boring as hell and win the presidency in a land slide.

Joe Biden

The Dude Has No Mercy

Joe Biden is the world’s favourite cool dude. He has been making quite a few references to running for some sort of political position once Obama’s presidency ends and a lot of people are assuming that means he will be making a run at the white house. Still if Hilary Clinton being 69 will be an issue then remember that Biden will be 73 which would make him the oldest first term president ever. Also remember what a big deal that was for McCain. On the other hand Biden is a lot more spry that McCain was so he’s more likely to brush it off. Still I really doubt that Biden would run against Hilary so more likely than not he will give up on the White House and go back to his former job of being a Senator and walking away from explosions while making out with all the hottest babes.

Brian Schwietzer

Cool dog bro

Brian Schweitzer is the governor of Montana and I kind of have a weird unhealthy obsession with him. He is the governor of a firmly Republican state famous for wolves and buffalo herding, he wears a bolo tie and also a Stetson, and he is about as left wing as you can be in America without getting called a communist. He is an environmentalist, he supports socialized medicine, he supports gay marriage, and he has a really cool looking dog. He is also a massive wild card in the president stakes but I am almost certain he will run and although he doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell of becoming president he is totally my Democratic VP pick due to his awesome combo power of being a Diehard democrat and still convincing Republicans to vote for him. Essentially my dream Democratic ticket is Biden and Schweitzer with his dog on Harleys riding into the sunset while bumping fists.

Republicans

Marco Rubio

Americans don't consider this
guy white as all hell

Everyone is talking about Rubio because he manages to be a Republican and a minority. That is the only reason anyone is talking about him. Due to the belief that if the Republicans select a brown person then brown people will vote for them! Rubio is also extremely right wing so has Tea Party support though their loose coalition is also super racist so he will have to be even more right wing than any white tea party types who run and then if he does that he will have to swing wildly back to the centre to appeal to the rest of the country, a strategy which if you think back a few days did wonders for Mitt Romney. Rubio also has the benefits of not looking as weird as most politicians and having some amount of charisma. Still even if he doesn't get the nomination he will definitely be the choice for vice president because the Republicans are desperate to get those Latino votes while simultaneously telling everyone that they hate immigrants.

Jeb Bush

The blandest Bush

People are always trying to draft Bush, another Floridian politician, based on the fact that there have already been two presidents named Bush so there is no way he can lose. Jeb is the brother of George W. and may be described as the “boring” Bush because he has more reasonable political views and is cleverer than his brother (which doesn't take much).  He also has none of his Brother's charisma. I guess he is more like his dad who, if you remember, was incredibly bland. To be honest if George W. had never been president then Jeb would be a shoe in but that name is probably going to hurt him with moderates whilst his relative moderation is going to hurt him with crazies so really his candidacy is stuck between a rock and a hard place. He’ll run, everyone will assume he’ll win the candidacy and then he’ll lose it. Or he won’t.

Mike Huckabee

This guy's weight fluctuates
so violently it is impossible
to guess what he looks like

I have a strange sort of respect for Mike Huckabee, despite his almost entirely despicable political views, because he seems a lot smarter than a lot of Republican candidates. The former governor of Arkansas and current Fox News host ran in ’08 but didn't run this time round despite still being well known and popular. Why? Well I can’t say for sure but considering how the election went it was almost certainly the right move if he wants to president some day. I expect him to come back for 2016 and I expect his strange brand of evangelical Christian “compassionate” conservatism to do well as a sort of centre ground for a party tearing itself apart. He is also a charismatic speaker, he has "overcome adversity" to go from a really fat guy to a really skinny guy and then back to a sort of fat guy. Much like Bill Clinton he is from Arkansas and can play a musical instrument for photo ops (Huckabee plays the bass). Tentatively; Mike Huckabee is the real one to watch.

So yeah in conclusion All Things Remaining Equal Hilary Clinton will beat Mike Huckabee to become the 45^th US President. However things never remain equal so trying to predict presidential candidates at this point in time is a really stupid idea. Why are you even reading this?