How to Listen to Errand of Mercy

As you may know I am one half of the podcast Errand of Mercy, and as you may also know we have recently been having a few troubles with iTunes (see Episode 65: The Harrison Fordcast for details). This has unfortunately meant that some people haven't been able to listen to the show which is a terrible situation that cannot be allowed to continue.

Lilly's Legs

Everything was ready. Just hit the button and the device would activate and at the very same moment a call would go through to the emergency services. There was a tiny risk involved of course, there always was with something like this. A tiny risk that it could all go wrong, but if it was so tiny why had Lilly been sat here for the last 4 hours and 27 minutes with her finger hovering over the button? Sat here doing nothing while every minute she waited her window of opportunity became smaller and smaller.

The Four Keiths

Keith 4

The rain thundered against the palm fronds Keith had erected as a cover over his balcony. Every evening when he got home from the plant he followed the same routine: he made a large daiquiri and watched the pelicans grab frogs and fishes from the Pomona swamp. Some people hated the swamp, complained it smelled, but Keith loved the rich warmth of it. To him the swamp, which had been dug out to absorb the tropical rains, represented Manchester’s ability to adapt as much as his job at the rum distillery did.

Could Do Better

I spoke on the most recent episode of my podcast about the recent collapse of HMV and other high street retailers. I didn't really speak at length about it because I figure my podcast is more for jokes rather than for me dissecting the problems faced by the British economy. But that’s the nice thing about having a blog, if you don’t want to read about the economy you could just skip this post. Don’t though because I assure you that it’s going to be well interesting.

See also: every shop in Britain

The media narrative of the collapse of HMV, Jessops, Game, et al. (and indeed the narrative coming from those companies themselves) is that they have been crippled by the growth of online retailing and by rising rents on their stores. According to this view falling sales and rising costs were squeezing their profits. This view is easy to understand, which is probably why it is being pedalled. It is also false. HMV stores were all cash profitable, that is to say they were taking in more cash than they were spending because there are a lot of people (myself included) who still prefer to buy things in shops than over the internet. So why have they actually gone bust?

Unintended Consequences

As you are well aware, Dear Reader, everything in Britain is now made of horse. It’s interesting to note that whereas in English most animals have one word for the living animal and one for its meat (cow: beef, pig: pork, sheep: mutton) horses do not. It’s interesting but it doesn't really have to do with what I'm going to talk about today which are unintended consequences.

I've always enjoyed this sort of thing, where someone makes a choice which ends up affecting something which is apparently entirely unrelated. It’s a thing that always seems to have fascinated people, just think of how many books and plays and movies that you have read and seen featured unintended consequences as a plot point. It’s a whole bunch I bet. But the current horse crisis is a prime example, because did you know that the 100% horse lasagne can be traced all the way back to Romanian traffic regulations?

It's All in the Music

As I write this I am watching The Wrath of Khan. I'd hope, Dear Reader, that you'd agree with me when I say that it is a fantastic movie, for a whole range of reasons which I'm not going to go into because that's not the point of what I'm writing. But there is one thing which is very important in making it a brilliant movie which is often overlooked in comparison to so many over aspects: it's music. Listen to the main theme of the film and tell me that it isn't great (actually don't because I don't like it when you lie to me.

Ian's Car

The first artificial intelligence wasn't a NASA supercomputer, it wasn't deep in a bunker in CERN, or in the head of some robot in a high-tech Japanese factory. The first artificial intelligence was an Audi in a driveway in Sutton Coldfield.

It was one of those mild sunny afternoons and Ian Warrett was going to the pub to watch the football. He pressed the start button on the car and a message appeared on the screen, the one that usually telling you what radio show is on.

I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD DO THIS